Finding Closure When a Relationship Ends
When it comes to finding closure after a relationship, yeah I wish I could say I knew where to direct you on that one. Lately I have found myself submersed within my familiar single life antics, appreciating a blooming career in the television industry and successfully moving forward. That is of course until I get onto either the 4,5,6 train and head down town towards the Brooklyn Bridge, watch the Hunger Games or even pass by the movie theatre by my apartment and have a quick flashback of the good memories I once had doing these things. Closure on relationships can really hurt, however not receiving closure can be even worse.
Standing in line at the post office in NYC yesterday was an overwhelming experience to say the least. Is it wrong to say I found comfort in eavesdropping on a conversation the woman behind me was having as I waited my turn in line?
She reminded me of so many conversations my friends and I have had about finding closure after a breakup. You know when you say that your fine, that you just needed to get out and get your mind off of him. But to be honest, for me, the whole concept of getting over a breakup by getting under someone else, well its never worked.
Carrie Bradshaw (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I have never been good at expressing my feelings, nor closing the doors on them for that matter. However I have always had a knack for writing and like my good friend Marie said, maybe you are just meant to write your way through all of this. It seemed to help Carrie Bradshaw get through her relationship with Mr. Big, and every other hurdle in life she encountered. Therefore here goes nothing…
Even though I am not a nosey person by nature I could not help but listen to the girl discussing her dilemma with her current beau. As usual the girl didn’t know what the guy wanted and rather than waiting to find out (most of the time that means getting screwed over) she put on her big girl pants, went out and entertained her ego with some attention from random men at a local club.
It’s funny how we do that. If we are not getting what we want from the one we love or are in relations with, than we go out looking for it elsewhere. The last guy I honest too goodness fell in love with, we can call him Phil, ended in us both walking away with a broken heart, neither of which was intentional. In fact we both went in fully aware that in the end there was a possibility that we would have to go our separate ways if things just couldn’t come together.
Unfortunately my relationship ended with Phil back in the beginning of July and shortly after I found myself sitting at the Yankee game with an old friend from college. Did I go to the Yankee game looking to start something? No on the contrary I almost blew it off entirely so I could hide in my room and cry for the entire weekend over the loss of Phil. However I had recently gotten a new job and realized change was inevitable and I could either delay it or flow with it; I flowed with it.
Yankee game guy was great, he helped get my mind off of my previous relationship with Phil and concentrate on the other parts of my life, I realized that there were things I wanted that Phil could never provide for me, and I began to let go. Ironically though, this was the first time I had experienced true love and the first time I was using a rebound to get over it. Normally I took long vacations from the sport of dating, in order to get over my heartbreak and anguish. For some reason Phil was different and now I believe I know why.
Everything I got with Yankee game guy in the last month or so was exactly what I had wanted from Phil. Did Yankee game guy heal my broken heart? Absolutely not. In fact, in a way I think it makes it worse for me because I really was not ready to even accept that Phil wasn’t there anymore to begin with. I was so angry with both Phil and myself however that I just didn’t care anymore so I did whatever bought me happiness in the moment, knowing that the only person I had ever loved was never going to be apart of my future.
My friend Marie and I are constantly calling each other analyzing why we cannot seem to get over our recent exes. I find the humor in the fact that each time one of us calls the other, we immediately apologize knowing this may be the umpteenth time we are bringing up the subject, however we cannot seem to solve the problem.
Yesterday I received a text message at 6:30 am from Marie informing me that she couldn’t sleep because she missed her ex and she wasn’t sure why she was having such a tough time letting go. That’s the thing. What do you do when you find your true love? The one who makes you feel beautiful even when you have been crying all day over something stupid at work, or takes the day off to accompany you to the doctor because you are scared and need someone there. Sitting here writing this one can say well why would you ever let him go? Sometimes the person we love comes to us within a situation that will never work. Marie and I were in similar predicaments, so in a way I think both of us thanked god to have someone to talk too minus the judgement that fell upon so many other ears and tongues.
I told Marie that sometimes we end relationships because of the situation we find ourselves in, not the person we are in love with. Sure he could have been a great friend and provided you with an overwhelming sense of comfort, however is it worth giving up your entire family for? She replied no, realizing she just needed to be realistic and each time the confusion crept in she just needed to shed a little light to remind herself why she was no longer with him.
For me, I deal with my departure from Phil this way. Am I angry that I found someone I really loved and cared about that was never going to work? I would be lying if I said no. Although I would never trade a minute of the time we spent together because it gave me back the self-confidence I once had.
What did the girl at the post office say however that inspired me to blog about this relationship breakup phenomenon? Well even though she went out and gave her number to a few potential guys, she still came home wishing for the same jerk that pissed her off in the beginning of the night. I sit here writing this blog and I can honestly say that there has not been a day that has gone by that I have not spent at least a good hour of my day thinking about Phil or what happened with him.
The thing is ladies and gents, we are human, and we want to be with someone. However perhaps some of us are not made to spend 40-50 years of our lives with someone, while others are. Its ok to cry about it being over, hey if you need to than forget it ever happened. But please do not let other people tell you how you should or should not be feeling. What do they know? Did they spend the time you did with your loved one? No. Don’t get me wrong, some people are just plain psycho and get way too attached. However if your like me or Marie, and had found the person you really loved but couldn’t be with, than go to the next best thing that makes you happy. For me, I’m going to turn too writing. I find joy in having a relationship with my readers and to be honest I have missed doing just that. So how do I plan on finding closure on my relationship with Phil? I am going to start by getting back under my own skin and on top of this keyboard.
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August 22, 2012 at 5:57
Forget Phil McCrackin! You mentioned that you really loved and cared for him. Then you at least can take away the fact that you are capable of loving and what you want when the one you are supposed comes into your life. I think those that love and lost are better prepared for their future spouse! Nice article, Sex in New York City!