Roseanne Barr Running for President

Written by Michael Bromberg. Posted in Breaking News, Politics

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Published on August 06, 2011 with No Comments

Yes, you read the headline right, Roseanne is running for President of the United States of America.

Making the announcement last night on “The Tonight Show,” the former sitcom star, who now has a reality show focusing on her macadamia farm in Hawaii, told Leno that she wanted to move into the Oval Office.

“You know Jay, I decided that since you’re the one that got Arnold Schwarzenegger elected as governor of California, that I wanted to make my announcement here on your show because I
really wanted to ask for your support,” Barr said. “My announcement is that I am running for president of the United States.”

After shouting out medicinal marijuana, she pitched nuts’ nutritional value, which she said was the cure to global warming and world hunger, and then revealed that she grows all her own
food, stores water and uses solar power in her home. She then circled back to legalizing marijuana, and ending drug wars as a result, before making the big announcement.

Oh, and this is not a joke. “I’m totally serious because I want to be part of the debates because I want to represent the taxpayers,” she told Leno. “In fact, I’m choosing the taxpayers as my vice
president.”

The 58-year-old comedian said she wouldn’t run as a Democrat or a Republican, but her own party: America’s Green Tea Party.

The presidential hopeful laid out her platform:

-No more taxes

-All student loans and debts forgiven

-Legalization of Marijuana

-Money will be abolished

She also hopes to invade Mexico because “they’ve got oil,” and annex the country so that “we don’t have people sneaking over here anymore.”

While it should be admirable to want to lead the nation to (one would hope) wealth and prosperity, even hardcore environmentalists or TV sitcom enthusiasts may find voting for
Roseanne to be a bit of a stretch.

Let’s just hope she doesn’t sing the National Anthem again.

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