Dating Dicks, Pricks, and Men Who Bring Out Your Inner Bitch

What Women Learn From Dating Dicks

I would like to take a minute and dedicate this to the time I spent dating dicks over the years.  The ones who have not only inspired me to write this article but have given me endless ways to back up the age old theory below:

“Behind every crazy/scorned woman is a man who made her that way.”

Let’s face it that four letter word, LOVE can drive anyone nuts.  A few months ago I wrote an article about Dating Women Who Define the Different Degrees of Crazy, well now its time for the other side of the story.  Dicks, Pricks, Those Men Who Bring Out Your Inner Bitch.

Since it’s just funny I want to start off this article with a guy that doesn’t necessarily drive us women crazy, however the level of tool that we are dating is extreme.

Dating Douchebags

"I would have gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms. Thus demonstrating having a monster dong."

 Dating Dicks #1: Before Wasting That Magnum, Make Sure It’s Not Going To Fall Off

Girls we have all been there once or twice, the guy who buys condoms the same way you order food when you’re really hungry, you know bigger eyes than the size?  My girlfriends and me have had a good laugh at the tool bags that buy the magnum condoms when you have either A) heard they are not big enough to fill them or B) experienced it for yourself aka EPIC WASTE OF TIME.  Usually the guys/men who decide to rock a magnum and really can’t, tend to suffer from what I will call the Napoleon Cockplex.  That’s right, your small, there is nothing you can do about it, so GTL it up buddy, sleep with mad bitches (the idiots who think because you drive a nice car and your parents have a lot of money means you do too) and keep walking around with your chest puffed up and tight jeans on.  Here’s to you Mr. I Wish I Could Fill That Magnum Man, because at least you honestly believe you can.  (Check out this article on Fox News… it might help you)

 

Dating Dicks #2: Break Up Means Better Off, Therefore Make Sure You Don’t Call Her Every Month to “Check In”

Men are notorious for this.  I have personally experienced this type of guy and it is probably the most confusing aspect of a man’s personality.  Let’s face it; most guys in my age range (25-30) don’t know what the hell they want.  They think they want you, but yet they are not ready to end their relationship with temptation.  Instead they try and settle down, expose some great qualities that make you think they are actually sincere and than turn tail and book at the drop of a hat. Now it’s time for the games.  Some women freak out, they break down and dial the cell number everyday, stalk out Facebook, send emails, inform the world via social networking their heart is broken and all the while this type of man sits back and gloats.  His ego swells, thinking ‘Wow, I am awesome, and I must be god’s gift to women seeing as they obviously cannot live without me.’  News flash buddy, your not anything special.  Actually I would bet that 9 out of 10 times you leave right during the honeymoon phase, where the woman is beginning to trust you, trying to open up and believe ‘Wow I actually have a good thing with this guy.’ What was once normal behavior such as answering her texts, giving her a phone call before bed, or just the simple effort of trying to see her when you can, begins to change.  Women have intuition, depth; we know when something is wrong.  Therefore when she asks you what is wrong and you shrug it off, she has a hard time grasping why she feels so strongly that there is something up.  So you pick up the act for a bit longer because you feel bad, or your not quite ready to give up the comfort or availability that she gives you.  Than one day you stop answering her calls, ignore her texts, but keep her on Facebook so that she can see exactly what your doing, who your talking too and torment the living crap out of her.  Ahhhh ladies just do yourself a favor and block these douche bags on any form of contact they might be able to get through to you in.  If you don’t than sorry your just crazy and you allow yourself to be that way.

 

Thai Ladyboy

Thai Ladyboy... Look it up if you need to know what I mean...

Dating Dicks #3: Chinese Proverb: If you lie to gain control, woman get angrier than a heterosexual man who feels what Thai Ladyboy hides below 

Most women are going to have been through this.  The guy who lies just to get a hold of the girl that he believes would be perfect for him; to control.  Everything they say or do seems to be exactly what you want.  Those guys who say they are attracted to you because you have a career, goals and a spirit that soars.  What they fail to mention is that they really think you would make a great wife, someone to stay home and pop out babies and have dinner ready, on the table every night when they come home from work.  Its great, your ready to throw away your entire life because you honestly believe this man is the one for you, and than without warning the true colors come out.  All of a sudden it’s let me see your phone, who is Bob?  That wasn’t your dad you said I love you too.  Your cheating on me, I know it! Over controlling, lunatics who cause you test the water fifteen times over when getting into future relationships.

 

Dating Dicks #4:  If a girl isn’t naturally jealous why try and see if you can get her to be?

Love these guys.  It’s happened to me twice, not a pretty ending.  I have gone over to see them and they are on the computer.  Naturally you walk over to say hello and conveniently they leave up the conversation with another girl that they hope will piss you off.  Then when they realize you honestly don’t care, they decide to keep waving it in your face until you do.  Eventually it happens, you blow up, and then you’re the crazy one.  No not how it works.  Why should I need to be jealous so you know I care?  Funny, both times I did finally care there was always a reason for it.

 

Rule #5 Dicks: Rather than criticizing your woman for her flaws, why not point out why your with her?

Some guys just cannot appreciate what they have.  I have witness one too many women on my travels, in friendships and just in passing on the street, crying because they feel like they are not good enough.  One woman I will never forget.  Traveling Halloween weekend in New Hope, PA I met a woman who was celebrating her wedding night.  Why would I never forget her?  She was flying solo.  Approaching the counter at Mystikal Tymes I could not help but talk to her.  There was so much pain and confusion in her eyes.  Her husband had left her after she developed cancer and had broken down.  He ended up cheating on her just before they were supposed to be married.

Now in general when you really care about someone you give him or her the courtesy of saying goodbye before breaking their heart, or you stick by them knowing that this is the person for you regardless of what you both must endure.

dating nice guys

Dating nice guys is possible. Just need to have patience!

When it comes down to it there are some real crazy people out there, men and women alike.  To me the human race spends too much time looking for what they want rather than realizing what they truly want.  Once you find it you’ll know.  Then there is no fighting, bickering or bitching, rather it just works and that is the end of it.  Sometimes you have to kiss a ton of frogs before you can step back and realize, what the hell am I doing kissing reptiles, I want me a prince! Even though there are pricks, dicks and men who bring out your inner bitch, have faith because there are some pretty amazing dudes out there as well.

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3 Responses to Dating Dicks, Pricks, and Men Who Bring Out Your Inner Bitch

  1. mike says:

    Wow, nice article! So how do you really feel?? LOL

  2. mike says:

    Nice article, maybe that will wake people up??

  3. Robin says:

    Cock-a-douches are nothing new….thanks for a good laugh and true-isms….

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