What Is Love? Besides Being Almost Impossible to Find!
What is Love?
One writer’s quest to help others answer the question, what is love?
What is love? At the age of 26 I still believe in the fairytale romance. For me the answer to the question, what is love, has always been friendship, honesty, loyalty and of course the monkey wrench; magical. Sleeping Beauty awakening to true love’s first kiss. Belle seeing the Beast for the man he was on the inside, rather than the monster on the out. What is love? It’s complicated, beautiful and something that as human beings, we cannot live without.
Looking at media coverage, ahem Kim Kardashian, it’s easy to ask the question what is love? The girl get’s married and 72 days later she’s divorced? What is love TMZ? What is love Kim Kardashian? Something the media can make another dollar on?
I get it, its hard to understand what love is when you come from a home where divorce has been the end of every marriage, you have never celebrated a 25th anniversary and you feel as though saying hello just means a tearful goodbye. How do I understand that? I lived it. Carrie Underwood has a song that goes, “…the more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.”
Sitting on the old blue loveseat, the orange flowers seemed duller than ever, darker. It was inevitable, despite my heart being torn, I had asked myself, what are we doing, what is love if I cannot even be happy by myself? Blue eyes looked back at me, it was perfect, everything I had wanted, but it came a year too late. My heart was tired, it had dug itself out of the darkness, exploding into the light, only to be thrown down and trampled into the dirt. It had been three years since I met him, and the thing about that relationship was, we both understood each other, better than anyone had before. However when you go so long wondering what is love, is this it? Did I finally find it? Do I deserve this? Asking what is love is the very beginning of the breakdown of the relationship itself. Both of us wanted control, figuring as long as we controlled the end of the relationship we would be ok. Was it asking what is love that scared us? No, it was feeling the fantasy becoming a reality; it was answering the question that was scary. Imagine the guy who only loved himself, falling in love with the girl who loved everyone but herself.
Four years later, I cannot help but chuckle to myself as I type this article. Some of my friends will most likely know who this is, and others will confuse it with someone else. It doesn’t matter. I have sat down and vowed by the end of this article I will have helped some of its readers answer questions regarding what is love and if it is still out there.
Now that relationship was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I never questioned what love was, until I heard someone tell me they didn’t know if after two years together that they loved me. What is love if a two-year relationship cannot stand firm? It was hard not to ask him what is love, ask I found Facebook messages to other girls seeking attention, confirmation that he still had it. However now I sit here, dealing with another person recently who just didn’t know what they wanted and I realize that I was loved, however just not in the way I deserved.
Sometimes people can love you, however I was entirely too demanding, thinking that love had an outline. If you didn’t get me flowers on Valentine’s day than you must not love me as much as the guy who got his girlfriend three dozen roses and sent them at different intervals during the day. What is love without roses? It’s love. My mistake was that I was blinded by the question of what is love to see how people showed me love.
My father, he loves me, however he would not be the guy to sit there and hold my hand through the impossible. He loves me so much that he wants me to succeed, further than he has in life and through this he pushes me. Easily it can be mistaken as he does not love me, however I realize that to each his own and my father expresses caring in a different way than myself. For some my extreme, “mom-ness” gets annoying, however that is one way I show my love.
What is love without affection? Well if your asking that than maybe you need to find someone who is more affectionate. Instead of searching for Mr./Ms. Perfect, someone who has what it takes to stop making you ask that question of what is love. When you really truly love someone, love has the power to conquer all, I have seen it.
About a year ago I did everything I could to stop my stomach from flying through my mouth. How could no one tell me that my grandmother had a tumor on the side of her head? It was clear as day however no one seemed to talk about it. Bringing me to my next question, what is love within a family that lacks communication? Well love is the communication that arises at the snap of two fingers, it appears like a miracle, naturally there, as though it had always existed.
Now if I could only show you the home videos that made holiday’s hilarious. Picture this, my Czech grandmother wielding a butcher knife over the turkey, as my Italian grandfather approaches the kitchen, attempting to retrieve his grandchildren something to drink. What is love? Love is my grandfather laughing off my grandmother’s claims to get out of the kitchen or else. Since I can remember that is how it always was, and it’s hilarious. Sitting in the hospital last summer, my grandfather by my side, I realized I was the only one asking myself what is love. I constantly was searching for something that my heart was made to feel. Summoning the courage I put my faith into love, knowing it would heal my grandmother, and it did.
My grandfather is the reason I know the answer to the question of what is love. Clenching his wife’s hand, my grandfather knew only one thing, this was the woman he promised to love, through the good and the bad, until death do they part and he was not ready to part. Last summer my grandmother’s recovery was a miracle, the very thing that sent tears to my eyes, has put a smile on my face that I have not had since I was 5. We are able to have our entire family within one room, celebrating, laughing, enjoying life and no longer wondering what is love like when you can enjoy family on the holidays.
Before you ask yourself what is love, think about how you even know what it should be. Obviously if you are questioning it there is something you are going off of. Is love the amount of diamonds a guy buys you? Or is it the girl who is going to do your laundry and cook you dinner?
For me love is when a person looks at me, wanting to know the person who lies behind the bright green eyes. He understands that I am not always going to smile, that if I don’t eat things might get ugly, sleep is imperative, and above all, he is just like I am; what I see is what I get. To many times I have been trying to find love. What is love? Love is what happens when you stop looking. If you are still asking the question what is love, than I recommend looking at what you love. Why do you love it? What is it about that hobby, movie or extracurricular? If it’s a person, what is it about them that you cannot live without? Love should not take boatloads of work, however in today’s messy world if can take time, patience and forgiveness.
One time I told a friend, the ability to stand your ground and fight for love after many would leave, is the truest and purest form of the emotion. I have not found the one I am willing to fight for. For now what is love for me? Finding a career, devoting every ounce of love and attention into my life. When everything else is in place that is when you stop asking what is love, and start living it.